Now this doesn’t seem fair at all! The park has everything a kid wants – swings goalposts, grass and lots of space. So why can’t it be used on a Sunday? Because that’s the day is called the Sabbath in this neck of the woods and you’re not meant to enjoy yourself.

They’ve only just allowed you to get here on a Sunday, as up to six months ago you had to swim across or land by parachute. But that would be enjoying yourself too so I’m sure you would have been met by a welcoming party from the Kirk Elders.

This is a typical waymark post in the Italian Alps, also seen in Slovenia, Austria and possibly all European mountain areas. You’ll find them at crossroad paths, trail start/end points; in fact, everywhere. If you get lost in these countries, you are either blind or the weather is really bad (happened to me, but another story).

In Scotland we have none of this. We have cairns which some people hate so much that that they kick them over. Those that like the cairns have a tradition of adding another stone or two, onto the cairn so that it grows in time. The thing with the cairn is that when you come across one it just sits there and looks at you. It does NOT tell you which way to go. The only intelligent cairns are summit cairns and they tell you to go home.

Yes, it’s official. The North Pole is not covered in snow and ice but is in a sunny forest not far from Fearns. But where is Fearns? Well you drive for five hours from Glasgow or Edinburgh heading northwest, taking care to avoid the deer, the badgers, the weasels and all the pot holes on the way. You then come to Sconser on the Isle of Skye but only if you are driving at under 30mph. Faster than that and after 7pm you’ll go miss the ferry and you’ll need to go back or return the next day. Pay the Ferry Man his £5.35 for the return ticket and then sit down for 20mins and enjoy the view. Once on the other side, walk for an hour or so over the dismantled Iron Works railway and come to a forest gate. Go through the gate, turn left and head along a quiet rhododendron covered lane. Soon you will come to a T-junction and the sign. The best bit is that you will hear only birds, bees and the breeze.